Same-sex marriage isn’t our biggest problem. It’s too often a scapegoat. Like the majority of Americans, I am overwhelmingly in favor of the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman. If you believe that the defense of marriage act and the prevention of marriage for homosexual couples are the best methods to preserve traditional marriage, you are sorely mistaken. Maybe it’s because of this particular day on the calendar that my sentiments are what they are.
Exactly fifteen years ago I married my dream girl. Really. I’d had a serious crush on her for a couple of years until she finally noticed me. I didn’t even realize Vanda’s change of heart towards me at first – even after she’d used her charm to coerce me into carrying her didgeridoo across the Pacific ocean, over the Rocky Mountains, and across the fruited plane after a band trip to Australia. It’s a nice boost to any relationship to have romantic stories from the start though, isn’t it?
The problem is, romantic gestures are easy at the beginning. No kids. More money. Dreams haven’t been pacified by life. The world is full of promise with the one we’ve hitched up with for the rest of our lives. But even though that promise, which is from God, never fades, we allow it to disappear from our experiences. Our marriages are lackluster not because somebody else has an improper view of what an intimate union between two people should look like; they fail because we do.
At the risk of sounding like a public service announcement I’ll offer this advice to Christians trying to save the institution of marriage. Instead of depending of the Defense of Marriage Act; in defense of marriage . . . act. Act as if the dreams you had for you and your lover can still happen. Or, even better, act as if the dreams you had didn’t quite measure up to the awesomeness of what God really had in store for you. Maybe he’s been directing you into a better way but you’ve been feeling to sorry for yourselves to notice.
The best romance is the one where your lives are so intertwined with God’s will that you end up living life to the fullest extent together. I have a feeling that some of the people who get so irate about the issue of same-sex marriage are defending something they’ve never had – a godly marriage. Sounds a bit Pharisaical if you ask me (whitewashed tombs and all).
Vanda is the person God has given to me. We’ve had many difficulties over the past 15 years, but we still dream. We still celebrate what God has done and what he will do. So can you.