I’m waking up the morning after our wedding with a sense of being out of my element. It isn’t because I don’t belong here, it’s because I don’t know how to belong here. I am the same person and yet everything has changed. Yesterday I woke up a single man with only the promise of matrimony. Today I am a married man, terribly excited but not knowing what to expect or how to act.
Will I remember to put the toilet seat down every time? How often is too often to play ball with the guys? Vanda is British, and they have already thrown me with the crazy tradition of crackers last Christmas. I’m still not completely convinced that everybody in the United Kingdom wears those silly paper hats during Christmas dinner. What if there are other traditions I’m unaware of that will stress the boundaries of my comfort zone?
How does a president feel the day after winning his first election or a High School graduate the day after commencement? Do you remember how you felt the day after the birth of your first child?
How did Jesus’ followers feel when they woke up on Monday? Learning from a great teacher and miracle worker, a man with the very power of God, is one thing. But this Jesus guy just defeated death! On Thursday he said that I would do even greater things than he had done. Now that he’s alive . . . I have to do them. What does that even mean?
Peter still struggles with not measuring up and Philip is trying to find the logic in it all. Thomas wants to believe that the rest have seen Jesus alive (he has a few more days until he will see the Lord for himself) but is getting more doubtful every minute. He doubts because this is an incredible claim and he wants proof – just like the rest of them have already had. Life is different for all of them and they don’t know what to think. But one thing they don’t do is ignore their new reality.
It’s the next day after this life-changing experience. My Teacher is now my Savior and I am no longer merely a student. I am not ready and yet I am. Jesus said that the Holy Spirit will be in me now. Crazy. This is surreal. My life will never be the same. Now what do I do?
As I look over at Vanda who is still sleeping I decide that my approach will be to enjoy the reality of my new life, still surprised that she said “yes” all those months ago. It would be foolish to pretend like nothing has changed. Yes, things will be different. I don’t know how to be a husband and eventually a father. There are many surprises to come and mistakes are inevitable. But, no matter how unreal things seem I know that I am right were I belong.
So I close my eyes and go back to sleep, and dream about what will be.